It matters?

I’m slacking on updates probably because I’m lazy and I can’t seem to find anything to really blog about. I tried Tumblr for a while just to see if I was getting bored of WordPress, but nope, I’m just tired of blogging. I want to get back on it though because I’ve realized I forget a lot of things and blogging helps me remember… Well not really since my posts are so cryptic that I tend to forget what I’m talking about over a period of time.

Well anyway, it’s been summer for a while now. I visited family in Guangzhou, China. Over the 3 weeks, I visited Beijing, Hainan, and Hong Kong. Quite a bit of fun. I was on almost every type of available transportation there!

Now I’m home and I’ve been home for about two weeks. I’ve been working on my AP Literature summer assignment, but that’s failing miserably, so no more extra credit for me I suppose. :/

Something pretty interesting happened today too. I never really expected it to happen and I was kind of hoping that it wouldn’t. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to hope for the worst all the time, but I’m really hoping this doesn’t end up bad. I have a feeling if I continue with this, it’s going to rile up some controversies with certain people. But when did I ever care about those people anyway? Not like they haven’t screwed me over this past year anyway. Ugh, am I supposed to be more mean back just because they were mean? I DON’T KNOW. How often were you so sure of something that you could swear on a stack of bibles and still say the same thing with confidence? And how often did you end up walking back on those words those times? Well, it’s like I’m almost turning back on some things I was so sure about. Right now, I’m starting to regret everything that I’ve said, but at the same time I’m telling myself that I don’t have to because feelings are real and I know what I felt then was genuine and that’s something nobody else can deny. I really thought it was a reasonable consequence then, but right now it doesn’t seem so reasonable anymore.

I’m really confused with how I feel. I have this whole thought in my head that I can’t seem to express, but I really feel it. Ugh.

Michelle, don’t be a sucker for sweet words now.

Protected: Maybe I understand. :(

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What happened?

I miss how things used to be so much. It was absolutely perfect and now it’s just going downhill. What changed?

I want everything back right now. Ugh. :/

Wish List :)

I think I’ll come up with a wish list this year even though I’m not expecting much. :) And because somebody told me to haha.

I know better.

I didn’t really think about doing it and thinking about it now, it kinda sucks. At the moment it seemed alright, but after I got the time to think about it, I wish it didn’t happen. I had my mind so set on not doing it that when I did it, it kinda hit me pretty hard. But whatever I guess. What’s done is done and I’m not going to try to go back and change anything. I’ll just always look back and think, “I knew better.”

I sound absolutely ridiculous

I really do feel absolutely ridiculous when I let my hormones talk. Sometimes I look back at my mood swings and I think, “I’m so bad at keeping my mood constant, it’s ridiculous.”

Whatever though, I think I’m getting over it. But I’m still slightly lifeless right now.

Somehow I’ve been heading on this downward spiral of some sort. Things just kind of suck a little bit here and there, but I’ve been dealing with it. I’m not sure what’s going on, but my body isn’t being very cooperative lately. It’s really irritating and I’m not sure how I would describe it. But things are just turning completely and it’s really frustrating when you can’t help it.

Last Friday we took a writing benchmark for English and I just did really bad with it. I’ve never done so bad on a writing benchmark before, ever. Ugh, I don’t even want to talk about it and I don’t need anybody to know what I got either. Imagine how hurt I was especially when I thought I had done so well, I really just wanted to cry after I found out what I got. I think that was what really ruined me these past few days along with some little irritable things to top it off…

So I’m trying really hard to be reasonable and it’s working so far, but it’s taking so much of me to be how I’ve been. I believe that I’m pretty passive a majority of the time, but honestly how much longer can I take all of this so calmly and tell myself, “It’s nothing” when I don’t really think that a majority of the time. I understand the situation, I really do, but I think my feelings need to be considered a bit more because really, I’m not always as okay as I say I am and people just need to understand that.

I’m making a pointless point.

SOMETHING NOT SO CRYPTIC. :]

Okay so school kind of sucks, I’m doing so bad in most of my classes. I think the only class that I have an A in is German. I have a C+ in AP US and that just freaken sucks because I’ve never gotten a C in a class and that upsets me so much! I probably have a C in AP Biology and AP Calc right now too. If I’m lucky, maybe an A or a B in AP Lang. I’m so overwhelmed with the amount of work this year. I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to the lack of sleep, ugh.

First band tournament is this weekend too. I’m not excited for that at all. It’s probably going to end up being a complete mess and I can’t try to be optimistic about that. We should just not play half of third instead of the whole thing because everything is just messed up.

Some things happened last night and it kinda sucked, but I don’t think it’s as bad anymore. It still bothers me a little bit, but it’ll eventually just go away. That’s all I can hope for right now.

Braces :(

I got braces today. I must say that it is very annoying having a mouth full of metal. My teeth are so sore and it’s making me very miserable. I wish it this was all over already. It’s ridiculous how annoyed I am. I can hardly eat. Probably would end up fasting. JOKING! I love my food too much to do that.

STICKY NOTE:

My name is Michelle. I am a work in progress.
This is a blog that I use for random rants.
It’s meant to ruin your life with it’s cryptic posts. :)

Please visit my graphics LJ if you’re interested.
It’s on hiatus at the moment.

Truthfully, I just wanted a sticky note, okay.