Senior year has not been what I had hoped for completely. I did not want endless nights of work. I did not want to be busy writing responses to short answers and essays for college. I definitely did not want a frustrating year with band. Finally, I did not want to lose BOA. But all of that has happened, and what can I really do about it? Nothing really, except maybe make the best of what I now have.

On another note, somebody needs to put their hands over my eyes or something because I keep seeing too much in people’s body language and that has got to be no good. I wish I understood other people with 100% accuracy, that’d probably make things easier so I wouldn’t have to guess what they’re feeling and whatnot completely.

October 28, 2009. I will remember.

To be honest, who doesn’t want some love and attention? And what girl doesn’t like all the small little things that guys could do, but won’t do? Like you know, those good morning texts and whatnot. It’s cute.

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Senior Year Schedule!

Before I forget, I’m going to post my schedule for this year! My last year of high school! :D

0 Marching Band – Franco
1 AP Physics B – Frogue
2 AP Econ: Macro – Gustafson, K.
3 TA – Platt
4 AP Literature – Wingfield
5 Lunch
6 AP Calculus BC – Amasuga
7 Free
8 Advanced Band – Franco

4 AP classes again, I hope it won’t be too bad. I think my third period is telling me that I should take AP German since I’m the TA for that class, but that’s not going to happen!

Protected: Band angers me, A LOT.

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May!

It has been a month and an update is long overdue. It’s weird thinking about how I used to blog so much and now all of a sudden I’ve just stopped. It has almost been 2 years since I’ve had this blog!

AP tests are over and that is a big relief! Calculus AB was by far the easiest test I’ve taken. I’m not quite sure about the others, I think I just did average on those, except for biology, which was probably slightly below average. I have got to admit that it was pretty impressive when my bs about viruses and the central dogma of biology turned out to be right! Anyway, I’m hoping for some positive responses in July. :D

So recently I tried downloading the CS4 Master Collection again, and it turned out to be epic fail! I kept getting, “Session has dependencies that cannot be satisfied,” when I tried to start the setup. Then I remembered that when I got my CS3 Photoshop, I had to delete my Photoshop 7, so I deleted my CS3 hoping that it would work. BUT IT DID NOT WORK WHATSOEVER! Then I just thought I could live with just CS3 and I can download Illustrator separately later, so I got the setup for my CS3 and that didn’t even work! So now I’m CS4-less and CS3-less. It’s so sad for me to not have my Photoshop. But Chase is saving my life. :)

I’m also really mad about the debates we’re doing in APUSH. I’m just frustrated that I got a crap of a partner that cannot formulate her own thoughts and let alone the rebuttals! I think I should have gotten the chance to pick who I wanted to work with. Stupid AP bio test screwed me over. If we are keeping these same partners for the next debate, I swear that I am going to go insane because I hate doing so much work.

I really don’t see a reason in pushing things back nor do I find it necessary to see how far a person would bend until they break, figuratively. I think if you chose to do what you do, you should be able to manage your time, if you can’t, you shouldn’t be doing what you’re doing then. Grow up; you’re not always going to have people bending to your requests. Get used to staying up late every once in a while, it’s not the end of the world if you’re tired the next morning.

It really bothers me nowadays when people are doing things the very last minute seeing how we haven’t been having any homework in our AP classes except for APUSH. No excuses. I don’t give a crap if you have other stuff because you’re not obligated to do those things in the first place.

I’m quite disturbed by some things that I found out. She’s way too desperate and blind and he’s an unfaithful jerk. At the same time, I don’t feel bad that she’s putting herself in a bad situation because she should be learning from other people’s mistakes and she should know that people don’t change. If she can’t learn from people’s mistakes, then I hope she learns from her own after screwing up. I sound mean, but I’m pretty sure that what used to be a “close” friend would not do that to one another, and that makes the consequences well-deserved.

Things would be better off if certain people would get a life and get out of mine. Honestly, I was hoping to never see that person again, but apparently I’ll be seeing them plenty next year. If he happens to butt into my business, I very well will give him a hard time, no joke. If they give crap, I will openly disagree with their methods because as of what I’m hearing, I will hate them to the moon and back.

And that concludes an update from my last post til now, with some missing things in between.

On a side note, I hope Kris Allen wins American Idol. Adam Lambert was good but his voice gets on my last nerves now. It’s just simultaneous shrieking that I wish would stop.

Sick of it

Really, I’m sick of people asking stupid questions or for help when they can clearly help themselves. I’m not even exaggerating when I say they can literally help themselves; you have the same resources that I have, so take your own time to look things up and stop expecting me to take time to looking it up myself and then regurgitate everything back to you. What do you get out of it? Probably just the answer, but nothing else. Do some of your own work! Stop making up excuses, too, it’s lame. Starting being independent, goodness gracious. It gets annoying when you’re constantly asking for help and not trying to help yourself first. I don’t always have time.

I am possibly in the worst mood ever from all this studying.

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So on Wednesday, the German students arrived! I really liked 2nd period that day, giving them a tour around the school and then just talking to them afterwards. It was just nice. On Friday, I went over to Melissa’s house for pizza and movie with her, Kevin, and Yolanta’s students. Watched Transformers and most of them started falling asleep; so amusing, haha.

On Saturday, I went to the Huntington Library with Yolanta, Zsofi, and Vanessa. We did 4 hours of walking and I took quite a bit of pictures, mostly of flowers. That day was the day I discovered the macro setting on my camera! So the second half of my pictures were really nice quality thanks to that setting. :) Anyway, afterward I went over to Yolanta’s house to swim. Melissa and Johanna ended up coming over. It was way too cold to swim though, so we were in the jacuzzi most of the time, just talking and whatnot. Then we had sushi for dinner, strawberries afterward, and finally rootbeer floats! :D Obviously, it was fun.

Now I’m home, sitting in front of the computer, feeling slightly overwhelmed over what seems to be nothing. I’m not interested in people randomly coming back into my life when they haven’t done anything productive for me all this time. I hate it. And to think things were going so well, I’m actually just back to where I’ve started. It really just sucks. Hopefully these next few weeks will keep me occupied so I won’t feel it at all.

Routine/SAT

I’ve realized that my life has pretty much fallen into this boring routine. Every day I would go to school, come home, do my homework, and that would be it. Then on the weekend, I would either be home or out with my mom. Rarely does anything exciting come out of it. Maybe that’s why I lack anything to blog about, because nothing happens in my life! I could write about school, but it’s all the same. I could write about how I feel, and half the time, only one thing really pops into my head that I can truly just pour my heart out about and I’ve already written enough about that. Even though I need to write about it a few more times, but for a better purpose. So this kind of explains my idleness in blogging. Maybe the lack of time constitutes for the lack of posts as well.

My first SATs were today! Not going to lie, it was pretty hard. But the parts with the passages were super easy. I think AP Language has done me some good and taught me a lot. I know my weakness is my vocabulary, so I’ll be working on that for the June test day! 2000 vocab word packet!

March 01

I haven’t done a really good job with blogging, and that was something that I did almost everyday at one point. So maybe now I’ll take the time to write something, just to keep track of what has been happening.

I really didn’t make Girls State, but I kind of saw that coming so I’m fine, really.

Sadies is this upcoming Saturday, the 7th. I think I’m looking forward to that right now. It’ll be some fun and whatnot so yeah.

Birthday will be in 17 days! I can finally start counting down haha. I think I’m looking forward to this one only because I know it has to be better than last year. So we’ll see how that goes, maybe I’ll have a barbeque if the weather is nice that day/weekend.

I think yesterday was something worth writing about, so I’ll write about that. So yesterday, I went to Barnes and Nobles with Yolanta, Brian, and Elaine around noon and we stayed for two hours, I think. It was pretty amusing haha. Reading those SAT books and whatnot. Then afterwards Yolanta  and Elaine came over and we ate lunch then we just sat around talking in my room. Then we decided to go out to walk around because apparently there were a lot of people that lived around me, which I never knew! HAHA So I just wanted to see. We ended up at Raymond Thai’s house for a while playing cards and watching Justin and Robert play the Wii. We ended up walking back to my house and ate dinner then we started playing Frustration, which was epic! We were screaming and whatnot; those were good times haha. I would totally do that all over again another time. :)

Lately I’ve also had this weird motivation to do better in everything, especially Calculus, but I always want to do well in that class. Anyway yeah, I’ve been looking for scholarships and filling out the QuestBridge application and I’m almost done with that. All I need for QB is the teacher recommendation and the essay section.  I already know what to write about for the personal statement part, so that’s somewhat a headstart. It’s a touchy subject, but I think it could have the potential. I know I’ll have a hard time writing it though because thinking about it makes me teary-eyed sometimes.

I really have learned a lot

I know I’ve been saying that a lot, but I think I really am. Good and bad, I think I’ve dealt with a handful of each. To be honest, despite the fact that I may hate the person’s guts, I’m quite thankful for having them put me through a crappy time. It sounds weird, but I think I’d have rather known how all those negative feelings are like now than later on in life when it would matter more. So thanks for all the crap you’ve taught me whether you see it that way or not, that’s how I see it because that’s how I’ve been convinced to see it through actions and words.

Inevitably, people change and I think I have gone through a pretty big one in the past few months. Good or bad, I can’t really tell yet, but you tell me. But are people’s opinions supposed to really matter? I’m pretty conflicted over that. I feel the need to consider people’s feelings all the time, but in the end, how much is that supposed to matter? I think you should care about how people feel, but you’re also supposed to be doing things to benefit yourself and those two don’t always work well and it causes conflict. So how are you supposed to know what to do? It’s like either way, you’re going to screw something over. Anyway, I don’t see a point in this rambling anymore because it’s going absolutely nowhere and absolutely making no sense whatsoever. But bottom line, I’ve changed and I know it. I kind of like how I’m feeling lately so that’s good I suppose. It’s still missing something, but I can’t quite figure out what it is. But whatever it is, I can obviously still be pretty happy without it.

I got nominated for Girls State and because of that, I’ve realized how little I’ve done. I think this should be a motivation for me to use my free time more wisely for something actually productive. So far, I have something similar to a resume and it looks absolutely pathetic from the lack of activity I’ve been involved in. I wouldn’t be surprised if I didn’t get it, but I hope some miracle happens that I do.

My dreams kind of scare me sometimes. It’s bad enough to dream of somebody getting killed, but then to feel utterly unemotional to that makes me feel terrible. Oh well, either they deserve it or karma is getting back to me later.