Protected: Falling Down

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Mix

I’m not sure how to say right now. I think I’ve been in the most awkward situation ever today. My heart aches for that person and I will never be able to understand his hurt, but part of me feels it for him and I wish I wasn’t able to relate to people so well. I don’t think I’ve ever been this emotional for a while.

On an angry note, I’ve realized I can be such a bitch. I swear, he manages to turn on my bitch switch every single time he says/does something. I don’t care how little it is, he totally turns that bitch switch on! I give up my attempt to not cuss until band season is over because I swear I will cuss so much. >:|

7th period in the library today was actually very amusing. Probably the most fun in a while. The basketball boys are so funny, no lie. It’s kind of obnoxious, but it was a bunch of good laughter. :)

Today was just such a bittersweet day. More bitter than sweet, or maybe it’s just all the same.

Untitled

So on Wednesday, the German students arrived! I really liked 2nd period that day, giving them a tour around the school and then just talking to them afterwards. It was just nice. On Friday, I went over to Melissa’s house for pizza and movie with her, Kevin, and Yolanta’s students. Watched Transformers and most of them started falling asleep; so amusing, haha.

On Saturday, I went to the Huntington Library with Yolanta, Zsofi, and Vanessa. We did 4 hours of walking and I took quite a bit of pictures, mostly of flowers. That day was the day I discovered the macro setting on my camera! So the second half of my pictures were really nice quality thanks to that setting. :) Anyway, afterward I went over to Yolanta’s house to swim. Melissa and Johanna ended up coming over. It was way too cold to swim though, so we were in the jacuzzi most of the time, just talking and whatnot. Then we had sushi for dinner, strawberries afterward, and finally rootbeer floats! :D Obviously, it was fun.

Now I’m home, sitting in front of the computer, feeling slightly overwhelmed over what seems to be nothing. I’m not interested in people randomly coming back into my life when they haven’t done anything productive for me all this time. I hate it. And to think things were going so well, I’m actually just back to where I’ve started. It really just sucks. Hopefully these next few weeks will keep me occupied so I won’t feel it at all.

March 01

I haven’t done a really good job with blogging, and that was something that I did almost everyday at one point. So maybe now I’ll take the time to write something, just to keep track of what has been happening.

I really didn’t make Girls State, but I kind of saw that coming so I’m fine, really.

Sadies is this upcoming Saturday, the 7th. I think I’m looking forward to that right now. It’ll be some fun and whatnot so yeah.

Birthday will be in 17 days! I can finally start counting down haha. I think I’m looking forward to this one only because I know it has to be better than last year. So we’ll see how that goes, maybe I’ll have a barbeque if the weather is nice that day/weekend.

I think yesterday was something worth writing about, so I’ll write about that. So yesterday, I went to Barnes and Nobles with Yolanta, Brian, and Elaine around noon and we stayed for two hours, I think. It was pretty amusing haha. Reading those SAT books and whatnot. Then afterwards Yolanta  and Elaine came over and we ate lunch then we just sat around talking in my room. Then we decided to go out to walk around because apparently there were a lot of people that lived around me, which I never knew! HAHA So I just wanted to see. We ended up at Raymond Thai’s house for a while playing cards and watching Justin and Robert play the Wii. We ended up walking back to my house and ate dinner then we started playing Frustration, which was epic! We were screaming and whatnot; those were good times haha. I would totally do that all over again another time. :)

Lately I’ve also had this weird motivation to do better in everything, especially Calculus, but I always want to do well in that class. Anyway yeah, I’ve been looking for scholarships and filling out the QuestBridge application and I’m almost done with that. All I need for QB is the teacher recommendation and the essay section.  I already know what to write about for the personal statement part, so that’s somewhat a headstart. It’s a touchy subject, but I think it could have the potential. I know I’ll have a hard time writing it though because thinking about it makes me teary-eyed sometimes.

Color Rally 2009

Color rally is finally over! Seriously, it has taken up a majority of my life for the past weeks and I’m glad that it’s finally over. I had a lot of fun doing it though despite being really tired and whatnot. I think our class did well and it was definitely a lot better than last year to say the least. Our dances were fun to learn for the most part. But there was so much drama the day before color rally though because some people entered last minute and wanted to do the dance, but whatever. We practiced until 10 that night and it was kind of frustrating, but we got through. Then the next day, I got up at 3am to get to school by 4 and omfg I was just tired! I had barely gotten any sleep and then I got to school and started blowing up balloons and whatnot. I have never had such a short fuse for anything in my life until that day. Anyway, we were setting up and that kinda got frustrating. Our decorations weren’t super amazing and it turns out we didn’t have enough balloons for a balloon arch so we just had two columns. But that was okay. Seniors’ decorations looked absolutely amazing though.

Well I don’t really know where I’m getting at this, I guess I’m just trying to say that I had a lot of fun and I couldn’t function properly afterwards because I was so tired. Like seriously, I was sitting in math, just copying down notes, but not really listening because I was so tired.

So yeah, we got 2nd.  Beat the cocky sophomores that kept thinking they would win. They basically just took the ideas of the juniors last year (seniors this year) with the whole lights off dancing thing, except they used glowsticks instead of flashlights, still a rip off. And people did love our Los Angeles dance. :)

I’ll have my video up soon. It’s being uploaded as I type.

:)

Today was a pretty good day. Lunch ruined it a little, but I ended up feeling a lot better. Like color rally practice was just really fun. I didn’t care if it was just 15 of us dancing, it was just freaken fun and good. I wanted to never stop doing it, seriously. This simplicity is making everything better and people have made things easier for me.

Looking back, some things I’ve done were absolutely stupid. I wish I hadn’t done some of the things that I did, but it’s too late to take it all back now. It was a mistake without a doubt. Too bad I can’t do anything about it anymore.

If things don’t matter anymore, then I won’t care anymore. If it mattered, I would have seen something different, not everything that I have seen so far because all of that totally screams “I don’t freaken care.” I’m way better than this and I can do better without any of this.

And again, I’ll never be able thank certain people enough for the complete support they have given me. I feel the love! :)

Above all,

Above all, I’ve learned that you can’t put all your faith in people. I’ve only been proven wrong so many times, I know now.

Also, the higher your expectations of people the more likely you’re going to be disappointed. But I’m not lowering my expectations, ever.

With all honesty, I’m not anywhere near happy. This is going to take a while. But this has only showed me who cares and I’m forever thankful for those that stuck by.<3

People are pretty stupid.

I really wish that people didn’t have to make so many dumb decisions in their life. I wish they knew they were doing something stupid that would greatly affect them. I’m sure they’re aware of that, but they chose to neglect that anyway. Honestly, I thought they were better than that and I think they know better too. Or maybe I’m just putting too much faith in them. But either way, stupid decisions in life get you nowhere. And it sucks that it has to hurt me so much because I care. I am truly disappointed, the level of respect they had totally went halfway down the drain right now.

Life Update

I don’t know what to tell you except for the fact that life is going so well right now or at least better than it has. First off, I’d like to say that I’m so happy with my 8/10 on the biology essay and my 30/42 for multiple choice. I hadn’t done so well on the previous 2 tests so I’m just really happy with that right now; that’s like a B/C without the curve already! :D Then I got a B on my history test, so that should bring my grade up! All these things are just making me so happy.

But today I was pretty pissed off during math because of the two idiots that sit in front of me, I swear. I’m just so pissed off at the fact that I spent 3 hours on a math assignment to understand it and get a 10 while they don’t even understand it and still deserve a 10 by means of cheating. UGH. And duh I went to complain to the teacher.

But no, this weekend was pretty nice with the exception to the bad getting 2nd place in BOA and the first bus leaving us and not coming back until after the finals. I was so disappointed that the be we lost to was literally less than half our size, it’s absolutely ridiculous. But I don’t think we did that bad actually. Anyway, yeah I wasn’t happy about that. I’ll remember Saturday for a very long time though. :) Oh and the Blue Man Group was absolutely amazing! I loved it so much, probably one of the best parts about Vegas.

I really began to think about some things that have been going on. I’m starting to doubt how some people feel, but at the same time I’m so sure about their feelings. Truly I believe that there’s a difference from the past to now and it’s a good thing; it’s what I wanted. I still think that I’m doing something completely wrong, but I’m kind of dealing with it and I think I got the closure and acceptance that I’ve wanted the most even though it doesn’t feel as genuine as I wanted it to be. I’m on such an emotional rollercoaster right now and I’m not sure how to feel because it’s kind of overwhelming. I’m not sure where I stand and I kind of still wonder about what would have happened if a different course of action was taken. But I’m starting to give up on that because I’ve realized that I don’t have enough time to think about that.

Okay I’m just rambling. I just want things to end right and well in the end.

But I really think that after a week or so, some people will walk back on their words and just lose it; it’s not the first time. Let’s put this hypothesis to test.

I realized that I’ve grown pretty far apart from a lot of people and I’m okay with that because at the same time I’m getting pretty close to the people in my class and those are the people that I’ll be seeing all the time next year. It kind of sucks how things are so different, but I think things right now are perfectly fine, I mean I’m really actually okay with it all and I don’t feel the need to turn back time and change things. People just aren’t who I think they are and I’m just not the same and I’m honestly fine with that.

Protected: I’ve really ruined some things.

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