Hot Surface

When you put your hands on a hot surface, you immediately pull your hand away. The consequence is a burn that will hurt really bad, but it’ll feel better once you put some aloe on it for a period of time. After that burn, maybe you’ll get a scar, but you’ll learn to never touch a hot surface again because it hurts and nobody should make the same mistake twice. But hypothetically, you burn yourself again in the same spot, but this time you purposely put your hand on the same hot surface as last time, how does it feel? Your skin was damaged from the first burn; what does that mean now? Your hands are going to hurt even more now. Surely a little bit of aloe will help, but how much does that actually help? Maybe it works the first time, but probably not this time around. So why would you purposely put yourself through all the pain all over again when you already know what will happen if you do? Had you not learned from the first time that putting your hands on a hot surface will hurt? Did you honestly think it would be different this time around? Nobody should be that stupid to make the same mistake twice.

Right now, it feels like I’m about to burn my hand again; I’m just like an inch away, I feel the heat, but I’m not pulling back. I learned a lot, hopefully I’m not stupid enough to make the same mistake all over again.

May!

It has been a month and an update is long overdue. It’s weird thinking about how I used to blog so much and now all of a sudden I’ve just stopped. It has almost been 2 years since I’ve had this blog!

AP tests are over and that is a big relief! Calculus AB was by far the easiest test I’ve taken. I’m not quite sure about the others, I think I just did average on those, except for biology, which was probably slightly below average. I have got to admit that it was pretty impressive when my bs about viruses and the central dogma of biology turned out to be right! Anyway, I’m hoping for some positive responses in July. :D

So recently I tried downloading the CS4 Master Collection again, and it turned out to be epic fail! I kept getting, “Session has dependencies that cannot be satisfied,” when I tried to start the setup. Then I remembered that when I got my CS3 Photoshop, I had to delete my Photoshop 7, so I deleted my CS3 hoping that it would work. BUT IT DID NOT WORK WHATSOEVER! Then I just thought I could live with just CS3 and I can download Illustrator separately later, so I got the setup for my CS3 and that didn’t even work! So now I’m CS4-less and CS3-less. It’s so sad for me to not have my Photoshop. But Chase is saving my life. :)

I’m also really mad about the debates we’re doing in APUSH. I’m just frustrated that I got a crap of a partner that cannot formulate her own thoughts and let alone the rebuttals! I think I should have gotten the chance to pick who I wanted to work with. Stupid AP bio test screwed me over. If we are keeping these same partners for the next debate, I swear that I am going to go insane because I hate doing so much work.

I really don’t see a reason in pushing things back nor do I find it necessary to see how far a person would bend until they break, figuratively. I think if you chose to do what you do, you should be able to manage your time, if you can’t, you shouldn’t be doing what you’re doing then. Grow up; you’re not always going to have people bending to your requests. Get used to staying up late every once in a while, it’s not the end of the world if you’re tired the next morning.

It really bothers me nowadays when people are doing things the very last minute seeing how we haven’t been having any homework in our AP classes except for APUSH. No excuses. I don’t give a crap if you have other stuff because you’re not obligated to do those things in the first place.

I’m quite disturbed by some things that I found out. She’s way too desperate and blind and he’s an unfaithful jerk. At the same time, I don’t feel bad that she’s putting herself in a bad situation because she should be learning from other people’s mistakes and she should know that people don’t change. If she can’t learn from people’s mistakes, then I hope she learns from her own after screwing up. I sound mean, but I’m pretty sure that what used to be a “close” friend would not do that to one another, and that makes the consequences well-deserved.

Things would be better off if certain people would get a life and get out of mine. Honestly, I was hoping to never see that person again, but apparently I’ll be seeing them plenty next year. If he happens to butt into my business, I very well will give him a hard time, no joke. If they give crap, I will openly disagree with their methods because as of what I’m hearing, I will hate them to the moon and back.

And that concludes an update from my last post til now, with some missing things in between.

On a side note, I hope Kris Allen wins American Idol. Adam Lambert was good but his voice gets on my last nerves now. It’s just simultaneous shrieking that I wish would stop.

Untitled

So on Wednesday, the German students arrived! I really liked 2nd period that day, giving them a tour around the school and then just talking to them afterwards. It was just nice. On Friday, I went over to Melissa’s house for pizza and movie with her, Kevin, and Yolanta’s students. Watched Transformers and most of them started falling asleep; so amusing, haha.

On Saturday, I went to the Huntington Library with Yolanta, Zsofi, and Vanessa. We did 4 hours of walking and I took quite a bit of pictures, mostly of flowers. That day was the day I discovered the macro setting on my camera! So the second half of my pictures were really nice quality thanks to that setting. :) Anyway, afterward I went over to Yolanta’s house to swim. Melissa and Johanna ended up coming over. It was way too cold to swim though, so we were in the jacuzzi most of the time, just talking and whatnot. Then we had sushi for dinner, strawberries afterward, and finally rootbeer floats! :D Obviously, it was fun.

Now I’m home, sitting in front of the computer, feeling slightly overwhelmed over what seems to be nothing. I’m not interested in people randomly coming back into my life when they haven’t done anything productive for me all this time. I hate it. And to think things were going so well, I’m actually just back to where I’ve started. It really just sucks. Hopefully these next few weeks will keep me occupied so I won’t feel it at all.

First Time

Today is truly the first time that I did not feel overwhelmed with emotions. All the other times, I was filled with anger and bad memories. This time around, I was just blank. Good or not, I don’t know, but I’m thankful that my feelings didn’t overwhelm me because it wouldn’t be a good time.

Thank goodness for the repression of memories. It’s getting there.

A lesson learned

After seeing things from another perspective, I see this as a lesson learned. I won’t say that I’m happy that I had to learn it, but I’m thankful that I did and now I just understand.

From this, I have really learned that feelings really dictate how you feel, but you just have to move past that and do what you want to do and what you should do. I really learned that if you base your every motive on how you feel at the moment, then you’re really in for a roller coaster ride. Your actions would change so constantly. Now I realize that feelings really are inconsistent. I’ve always known that, but now I understand that to another extent. This really reminds me of my first “Seven Levels of Intimacy” post.

I actually learned a lot more, but I’m not sure how to put everything into words so that it’d seem understandable. But my belief is that if things can undergo the test of time and still come out unchanged and undamaged, then it has been worth all the time. Not saying that everything that comes out changed isn’t worth it because you could very well get a lot out of what has happened.

But to be completely honest, I’m not sure exactly how I feel. For once I’m in a complete loss for words that describe my emotions and feelings. I would just say that I’m blank and I mean that quite literally. Thinking that the glass is always half empty has its perks sometimes.

Okay this didn’t turn out half as good as the one I wrote last night. I decided to delete that draft though. It didn’t feel right after a while though it really was purely my thoughts and feelings pouring out onto the screen.

Obligations

Am I really obligated to do all of the things I think I’m obligated to do? I truly believe that it’s an obligation for me to care, but I really don’t want to anymore. Primarily because the things that happened goes against all my morals and values and that person knows it. This makes me wonder if this would have happened if things aren’t the way they are right now. Would things not have been done if that person still cared about me as much as they claim to not do things that are against my morals and values? It’s something worth pondering and my respect for that person isn’t going down as much as I thought, but I truly am disappointed in their actions. I really thought they were better than that despite everything that’s telling me otherwise. I’ve ignored so much of those signs before, it wouldn’t hurt to ignore more, would it? I felt that I was obligated to justify my actions, but am I obligated to care under any circumstances?

I have also slowly come to a realization that I’m very sensitive to the emotions of certain people more than others. It’s pretty hard to describe, but it’s like being connected to a person in a sixth sense or something. I know I sound pretty ridiculous at the moment; just get over it.

You cannot do that.

Chase, you should probably just skip this post to keep your sanity. :)

You cannot tell me one thing, act that way, and then tell me something that would hurt me otherwise. Maybe it was an overreaction on my behalf, but seriously I thought you knew better than that. Kidding or not, words really get to me. I’m probably going to look back at this and think it’s ridiculously stupid, but at that moment, it was quite possibly the worst thing I’ve felt in the past few weeks. And yes, I do plan on being impossible and not explaining why I’m pretty upset.

I’m actually pretty upset that we’re not talking right now too.