2:54am
by Michelle
As I lay in bed trying to get some rest for my 8am, I find myself unable to sleep. My mind is left wandering, “What happened?” I’m not sure what exactly prompted me to such thoughts.. maybe because when I try to think about plausible future events in my head, I’m left clueless? Clueless about who to count on or who is going to be there through every step. Just so clueless. When I was scoping through the every content of my phone, I had forgotten that there’s a ‘Saved Messages’ folder, so of course I opened it. I found so many inside jokes from late last year; it was amazing looking back at them. Some made me burst out in laughter on the inside and I found a smile creeping on my face every once in a while. But the smile that crept on my face quickly turned upside-down. Why? Because I can remember my initial feelings of looking back at those texts and because of that, I’ve realized how much has changed and how much it actually upsets me even though it doesn’t cross my mind quite as frequently anymore.
Honestly, I’m just a little bummed. Bummed because I don’t know what happened or what changed necessarily. Maybe I do, but I don’t see it as a reason for such drastic change.
While being bummed, I am able to look back at these past few days and feel utter contentment. Content that things have been so carefree and having fun with no judgement passed.
So maybe everything is alright after all and I’ll find it in myself to sleep soon. Need to wake up in about 3.5 hours!
